Scientists revived a “zombie virus” that’s been frozen underground for 50,000 years, but they say: Don’t worry.  We’ve done it before, and only with viruses that can’t infect humans.

How do they know? I mean, I understand they’re scientists and there are tests and things.  And I would hope the scientists messing around with 50,000-year-old viruses aren’t the C- or D+ microbiology students, but HOW DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE?

Are there bloodlines of people who were around when this virus was doing its little virus thing on the planet? If there’s not, could it be because this virus was doing its virus thing when they were? Are those people no longer around because they sacrificed themselves by burying this virus wherever you found it to keep it from harming the earth, and now you’ve gone and opened up another Pandora’s box?

Haven’t y’all messed with stuff enough? Like the Roman Curse Jar or when the Japanese killing stone broke open?

And what do you mean you’ve done this before? When? With what? Doesn’t this kind of thing give credence to the whole “bat escaping a lab” thing?

And if it won’t infect humans, why do you call it a zombie virus? Can’t you call it something a little less ominous? Like “underground popsicle virus.” Or “permafrost doesn’t mean permanently virus?” Did you not watch either of the Contagion movies or 28 Days Later, World War Z, 12 Monkeys, The Andromeda Strain (both are decent but I prefer the 1971 movie version to Benjamin Bratt’s mini series version), Outbreak, or I Am Legend?

Got answers? Anyone?

I swear, if two decades from now I read a headline: “Zombie virus unearthed 20 years ago makes Corona-19 look like the sniffles” I’m going to find you and punch you in the throat.

~~Ivy Lee